Iran’s Fashion Police

I bet you guys have heard of these Fashion police shows and stuff on really cheap TV stations such E! Or on these really lame reality shows and make over shows.

 

You know how they usually have a gay stylist who sits there and all these horrendous looking women come and walk by with some scary looking clothes and then the stylist tells them how bad they look and what it is they are wearing that is wrong. Then the women break down to tears and say ‘oh! Bobby can you please help me get a make over, I wanna make my husband happy. I don’t want my children to be embarrassed by me and blah blah blah…”

So this crew of hair stylists, skin care experts, nail experts and some other weird experts take the women away and bring them back looking quite different.

 

“What we have tried to do here is, you know Liza has beautiful eyes and we’ve tried to bring out her eyes, by…..”

 

Now, you know how they call these shows entertainment shows, this is modern TV, isn’t it?

 

Then I really don’t understand why some people claim that Iran is boring and sad.

 

We are probably one of the few countries in the world if not the only, that actually have Fashion Police on every main square of our cities and every trendy Café, restaurant, shopping mall and high-street. Believe me this concept does not exist even in fashion capitals of the world; Milan, Paris, New York, Tokyo ….

 

I totally recommend you come and get some fashion advice in Iran.

 

We have these little Green and White Vans that are just parked there; outside a shopping mall or a café, and there are a few women in black chadors sitting in the van and some really cool looking Pasdars (men fashion police) and they wait for their prey. Sitting there, watching carefully and planning their next move.
So they see a girl with lots of make up coming out of the mall, with her Gucci bag and Prada, shoes, and Blonde hair and French Manicure and then all of a sudden one of the black chadored women blocks her way and says “where do you think you are going missy with THAT look? Get in the van we need to talk”.

 

I mean come on don’t you want to know what happens at the end? Dude this is the real shit. I mean “the Red Carpet fashion police” or the show “what not to wear” or the other one “look ten years younger”; they all imitated the Iranian fashion police.

 

This fashion police thing was kind of over during Khatami’s presidency but now we have Ahmadinejad to thank for making Life entertaining in Iran once again.

Thank you Mr. President for the Islamic fashion police, thank you.

How Ahmadi can be bad for your health!

You know what,

People say a good journalist is an objective one which is true, but today i really am not in the mood for being objective or a good journalist for that matter.

During the past week Ahmadinejad has managed to give me a few cardiac arrests, and that is just too much for me; given the fact that i am only 30. His speech in UN was an embarrassment to the Iranian nation.  The thing is that i really don’t understand why he is so fascinated about going to every single conference, seminar, meeting (even at a ministerial level) and give a speech about how the world should be managed!!!!!!

Seriously, i don’t think it takes a rocket scientist to realize that this guy has absolutely no sense of management. He couldn’t even manage the municipality of Tehran. This guy claims to have a PhD in Traffic management or something like that and his solution to heavy traffic on Tehran’s highways was “U Turns”. Yes this guy actually thought that by having cars slow down on the speeding lane of one side of the highway and making a U turn to the other side of the highway and entering the speed lane of the other side with very very low speed the traffic problems of Tehran would just go away, disappear, vanish!!!!! I mean what kind of an idiot is he?

Now this once failure of a mayor is running the country, so i am not surprised to see Iran take a nose dive.

But he still insists on telling the world about his miraculous ways of management.

Then comes the ever fascinating issue of our little nuclear program, i mean what the hell?????

You know how when you are a kid and you do something you know is terribly wrong, like i don’t know… breaking your mom’s favourite vase, you try to hide it, and hide the fact that you broke it, but then when you kind of know that your mom knows you just come clean before she kicks your ass!!!!! Well, that is how our statesmen have decided to treat the nuclear issue. All i can say is that this is just way too sad.

Oh!!!! How can i forget about his amusing interviews? His answers to questions just make me suicidal and homicidal in many cases; well now days i’m more homicidal. Kidding J

The reporters takes out a photo of Neda’s dead body (for those who don’t know who Neda is, she was a young Iranian woman shot dead by plain clothed people during a protest in Tehran) and asks our president how he feels when he looks at the picture. Well his reply is “i feel sad that she had to die this way” and then all of a sudden he is handed a photo by probably one of his stupid friends he take along, he shows the photo to the reporter and asks her if she knows who the woman in the picture is. I mean dude, seriously what the hell is your problem? The woman in the picture was the Egyptian woman who was killed in Germany by a Russian immigrant! Now, do you see why i feel homicidal!? He started going on and on and on about how western governments are racist and hide the truth and use propaganda to brainwash their own people and blah blah blah as if he is just so not into all that shit.

His technique is to say: If you guys do it why shouldn’t i do it? If you can do it, i can do it better. And that is just stupid.

What bothers me is that when this Egyptian woman was killed in Germany by a Russian immigrant they actually held a huge symbolic funeral for her in Tehran; they named a day after her, and some other really weird stuff, but when an Iranian passenger plane crashed and killed 168 people, he didn’t announce even a day of national mourning, when Neda was shot dead on a street in Tehran her parents weren’t allowed to hold a funeral for her, when people got raped in Kahrizak Prison they called it a little mistake which will be investigated. I really don’t understand this, how can a president care more about other people in the world than his own people.

All i wish for right now is for Iran to be free and managed by people who love it, who care about every single person who lives in it, by people who can’t sleep at night knowing that people are being raped in prisons, i wanna see Iran governed by people who are just, people who are educated, people who are proud of being Iranian, not people who call themselves Muslim before Iranian, I want to be able to live in Iran and be happy.

I want my Iran.

Iranian President’s speech (Funny)

Uhum, Uhum,

123, 123, voice check….

In the name of God blah blah blah….

Can i have your attention please, this is the Iranian President speaking to you….hello, anyone out there? Hello would you please sit down and listen to me…. hey i’m talking to you…. yes you…. aaaahhhhh, hell with you guys, who cares if no body gives a damn about my bullshit i will do what i’m good in and that’s LYING.

So yes, i want to start by talking about freedom:

I personally believe that freedom is very very very good, it’s so good that i actually believe that we Iranians don’t deserve it. But the poor people of the United States living under such an authoritarian regime should get up and fight for freedom. Don’t let me even start on the Iraqis and the Gazans and the Latin American countries, but Iranians better just shut up and suck it all in because come on, who needs freedom when they got meeeeeeee?! the most popular person on earth

The second topic which i think is of utmost importance is the accusations of killings and stuff;

Just as the good old Mighty Python once said in the Holy Grail; “Let’s not fight over who killed who.” Who cares. My argument is that if Americans and the British come all  the way to the Middle East to kill Iraqis and Afghans, why can’t i kill my own people? ha? what’s wrong with that? If i had more money believe me i would go to another part of the world as well but at the moment i have to kill and rape my own people, and as you see they got no problem with it. They love me.

Now i want to talk about Racism, yes, Racism…. aha, see i got you there… We might not let Afghans go to school here, or we might not let a mother pass her nationality to her kids and therefore many kids with foreign fathers (mostly Afghan) have no identity and are being exploited every day, so what!!!!!!!! You are the bad guys anyway; you had slavery and you guys killed the native Americans, we just exploit Afghans.

So i think no one’s left in the room ….. Uhum….

Oh! Now that only the Iranians are here, let me just talk a little about our Hidden Imam; Imam Zaman; isn’t he the greatest? isn’t he just super cool? All the guys who love Imam Zaman put yo hands up in the air, wave them like you Just don’t care……yey, …..

thank you , thank you…

(Iranian delegation clapping like monkeys.)

UN, Ahmadinejad and all the other things….

To be honest, and i really want to be honest in my blogs, i never really had much faith in UN.

As a thirty year old the genocide i remember best was the Rwandan genocide and i clearly remember how as a teenager i was traumatized by the whole thing, how i couldn’t believe that no one was doing anything to stop this atrocity.

The Bosnian war and many other genocides and killing’s have taken place and UN seems to just do nothing but pass a number of useless resolutions and hold very boring meetings.

But when atrocities are happening in your own country, that’s when you really get pissed off at UN. At the moment i am pissing mad at this international organization for letting Ahmadinejad set foot in its building.

Iranians are dying on the streets and horrifying prisons of Iran and this man; Ahmadinejad whose name makes me sick, says he has absolutely no idea who these people are who are carrying out such acts.

I wanna ask a question; In a country where you arrest a twenty three year old French teacher’s assistant for taking a picture of protestors, alongside hundreds of other journalists, are you telling me, that hundreds of armed people are just roaming its streets and managing its prisons, without being arrested? without being identified?

I mean seriously, who do you think we are? Idiots?

Well maybe those in UN are, but Iranians aren’t.

The footage of these people is on the internet, and as an Iranian i want the United Nation to hold Ahmadinejad accountable for the blood of the innocent in Iran.

Peace out.

 

National Mourning

Mamosseta Sheikholeslam;

I bet you had never heard of him in your life, but our dear president; Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has decided that there should be two days of national mourning for his unfortunate death; by the way i have to mention here that he was killed by most probably Kurdish Freedom Fighters.

Who was he?

He was Kurdistan’s representative in the Assembly of Experts; an old clergy maybe in his 90’s.
I don’t support assassinations, and i am not particularly happy about this guy’s death, but what pisses me off soooooooo much is the fact that two months ago an Iranian passenger plane crashed; killing all 168 on board. A small number of these passengers were Armenian, the rest were all Iranians and Iranian-Armenians, and our beloved president didn’t even bother to give his condolences to these mourning families. I must mention that Armenia did announce a national mourning; i have no idea for how many days though.
So now the Iranian nation has to mourn the death of an old guy who was so badly hated in Kurdistan that although he would die pretty soon because of old age, the people of that province couldn’t wait any longer and decided to kill him.
All i have to say is that i hope Ahmadinejad and all his gang and his propaganda machine which is the IRIB all go to hell.

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